Thursday, April 3, 2008


Today, while John was at work, and I was safely snuggling Mikan, I watched another baby die. Right across the room, I watched as the parents sat through a procedure the doctor performed on their now 25 week old child (born at 23 weeks), I saw the moment something went wrong, the scurry of nurses and doctors, the establishment of screens around the isolette, the parents being escorted in and out, crying with the doctor at different moments, the pastor come in to perform a baptism, the staff at the nursery all joining in saying "The Lord's Prayer," and then the baby being carried out minus all the tubes to meet his parents in a private room. Afterwards, I saw the nurses carefully packing up all of the baby items in plastic bags, and breaking down all of the machines attached to the isolette. A little while later, some nurses brought the baby back and made moldings of the baby's hands and feet for the parents and put together another package for them with items like the heart monitor probes, and his tiny blood pressure cuffs. Screens remained around his empty isolette, waiting for an environmental team to come and clean it. Had Mikan not just been taken out of his isolette for me to hold, I probably would have been asked to leave. Instead I just heard the commotion of everything from behind the screens, gripping Mikan tightly and constantly checking his vital signs. Ironically, I was just sitting down talking with the mom yesterday in the Ronald McDonald room when another parent who used to have a baby in the NICU was reliving her story about her own 23 weeker. She told us "Don't worry, I had a 23 weeker and she is 4 months old now and doing fine. Everything will be fine." It's refreshing to hear those success stories, but the reality is that it doesn't happen for everyone. Experiences like that surely humble us. Our situation could be worse.

Mikan's chest x-ray looked much better today; however, the doctor still can't find a happy vent setting for him to keep him consistently stable with his blood gases. He said we might have to be talking about giving him steroids in a few weeks. I told the doctor that Mikan should be off the vent by then. He responded that I was optimistic.

Great Grandma and Grandpa Swinford visited today with Aunt Cindy. They saw Mikan awake and alert. Mikan lost 70 grams today after another diuretic. That is good. He will be receiving another one tomorrow to get rid of the excess fluid.

We send our Love and Prayers to everyone reading this.

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